The Memorial, and a Few Lighter Notes

I absolutely meant to write here last week, but it has taken me some time to process the events of the last ten days or so.

Fran’s memorial was a little over a week ago, and of course it was bittersweet. We were overwhelmed with the amount of people who made it out to a fairly isolated lake in Ohio to celebrate her life. She touched so many people in her too-few years on this earth. I was so proud of D and his sister for the beautiful and eloquent things they were able to say in front of everyone, and so thankful that his step-sister and her fiancé (my very good high school friend) were able to attend. We definitely needed the support. My parents also came, and of course D’s father (which I know was difficult for him.)

We rented a boat in the morning with D’s sister and her husband, his aunt and her three children, and his grandmother (Fran’s mom.) We each laid a rose on her pressed-paper urn and D and his sister placed it in the water together. It was so touching and serene in that moment, yet so difficult to really say goodbye.

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I think D has more closure now, but as executor of her will he often feels overwhelmed. There are so many things to take care of when a parent passes away that it becomes difficult to really grieve the loss. For me at least, when I was helping to plan the memorial I still felt as if I was in service to her; she seemed like she was still here in a way. I had a pretty difficult emotional crash early last week and had to do something I rarely do–ask a friend for help. My best friend here, we’ll call her Kay, came over the night I needed her and was really there for me. We sat outside with our dogs and just talked about everything. She is also going through treatment for infertility, and just received a PCOS diagnosis as well. In addition to that, her husband’s father passed away a little over a year ago.

When I think about all of the good people I know who have had such awful things happen to them, I really have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. Five of our very close friends have lost a parent in the past four years. Every one of those friends though are some of the strongest, most resilient people we have met.

When I started writing this, I didn’t mean for it to be so heavy, but I suppose that’s where my heart is right now. On a lighter note, we enjoyed a very relaxing and fun weekend with D’s step-sister and her fiancé. We rented bikes for them and all rode down to see the Pirates lose in typical Pirates fashion, had a delicious meal of grilled salmon and truffled cauliflower mash, and quite a bit of white wine (oops, I totally cheated. But she’s a wine rep and was sharing so much delicious vino!)

Oh, and one more week until our official Let’s-Get-This-IVF-Business-Started appointment! I wonder what my $500 AMH test results are…fingers crossed.

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4 thoughts on “The Memorial, and a Few Lighter Notes

  1. marwil

    It sound really beautiful to be out on a lake having the ceremony. It’s so hard though, to lose a parent. I hope it has helped with the grieving process, for all of you.

    Best of luck with your first appointment, hope you can get started with IVF soon!

    Reply
  2. YeahScience!

    What a beautiful idea for a ceremony, the whole paper urn and lake send-off… that’s exactly what I’d love to have myself! Sounds peaceful and just… right. I always feel that these moments of real tragedy tend to be followed up by moments of greatness, which makes me feel good about your upcoming IVF. Hope you guys can get that show on the road sooner rather than later without any delays.

    Reply
    1. nickeecoco Post author

      Thanks so much for this. I’ve questioned going forward with IVF a couple of times, but your optimism helps me feel like I’m heading in the right direction…and that I should be hopeful!

      Reply

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